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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive guide to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {